Its good to be here

I went to a movie last weekend. It was a nice treat. -yes, it was in English! I enjoyed it a lot, but it was disturbing at the same time.  Being SO immersed in this culture that is SO different from N. America, I didn't realize how my perception of 'normal' had changed. For 2 hours, I entered a world that I had lived in for 30 years - but it was as though I was seeing it with new eyes. It was a small taste of what it would be like to go home.  When the lights turned on and I found myself still in Africa, I was relieved.  It was a good feeling.  Another reminder that I am where I need to be.

Things have been busy around the compound.  We've had quite a few very sick patients that have been challenging to care for. One of my very special patients died this week as well.  He was a simple man, but so kind.  Every morning he would call out to me 'farenji' (white person) as I passed and laugh and blow me kisses. He had a great laugh! What a great way to start the day. Tuesday, however, I didn't see him in the courtyard when I went for mass.  When I was walking out of mass, Sr. told me he had died that morning.  Thankfully, we were able to spend some time praying for him before they removed his body.  It's hard to see my special patients go.  Sometimes it makes me wonder who is making more of an impact; them on me or me on them.  I'm almost positive its the 1st.

Community life at the compound with the other volunteers has grown more challenging.  I'm looking to get my own place and am hopeful to move this weekend.  Last week one of the patients got into the room where we hang our laundry.  She tore 2 of my shirts and one skirt.  In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. BUT, when you only have 6 shirts, and you have to wash them by hand, loosing 2 is a big deal!  Couple that with the fact that shopping here presents a whole new set of challenges.  Finding something that you like, that fits adn that you can barter down to a reasonable price takes WAY more effort than running to the mall and picking a shirt off the shelf.

Many of you who know me, can appreciate how I value sleep.  After 3 months of 5am wake ups by patients or loud music, repeated late night disturbances and as many as 7 other volunteers sleeping in the same room - I am anxious for some quality sleep.  A REAL shower with hot water, a REAL toilet and some personal space are also plusses to having my own place.

The nurses that I've been teaching are now preparing for a big licensing exam.  They are all very anxious. They write the theory portion in 2 weeks.  If they pass, they have a practical portion later on.  I"m confident that 2 of the boys will pass, but I'm not sure about the other 2. The sisters said that they can only hire those who pass.  I was asking one of the nurses some questions about basic physiology.  He's the weakest one, and he didn't know the answers.  He knows he's struggling and he can see that the other boys are catching on faster adn that I give them more responsibility.  He started to cry - it broke my heart.  He frustrates me the most out of all of them, but I couldn't help but have compassion for him.  He was telling me how much pressure he is under.  He's the oldest of 10 children.  His father works as a guard at one of the other MC houses.  The sisters paid for his nursing school.  Its his responsibility to get a job and to help his family financially adn younger siblings get an education.  He told me that one of his brothers struggles with mental illness and lately has been out in public naked.  It has brought a lot of shame to their family.  The small business that his mother runs has lost most of its customers.  He was pleading with me to petition his cause to the sisters to give him a job.  It was heart wrenching! I already know that the sisters won't hire him.  If he doesn't pass this exam, it will be very difficult to find a job.  I can't imagine having that much responsibility placed upon me at 20 yrs old.  Another very real reminder of how incredibly blessed my life has been!

There is so much need here.  A day doesn't pass that I don't meet a child that should be in school, or a patient that needs treatment the either no one can afford or no one can perform.  Hunger and malnutrition are everywhere.  I feel like what I"m doing is such a small drop in such a huge bucket.  I am grateful for the opportunity to experience all that I have.  I know that my heart has changed in ways I can't even recognize. It brings me so much joy to serve the poor here.  It reminds me every day to cherish each moment, accept everything as a gift and to choose to love in all circumstances.  I still have so much to learn! Good thing I didn't buy a return ticket!!! :)