The last two weeks have been very full. Time has flown by and I can’t believe it’s the middle of January already! My friends Erinn and Sarah from Canada have been visiting. It’s been great to have them here and to show them around. January 7th we celebrated Ethiopian Christmas. We went to Christmas Eve mass at the compound and celebrated with the patients. It was a very beautiful celebration. Everyone was in good spirits and the music at mass was very lively. The compound was beautifully decorated; each room had made its own stable out of hay. It was nice to introduce the girls to some of my favourite patients and have them see a little bit of what I’ve been doing these last months.
Christmas day, we were invited to Hailu’s family for dinner. We were very honoured to be their guests as they had killed a goat for the feast. Needless to say the food was incredible, and it was very nice to be a part of their family celebration. We were also invited to a smaller gathering of boys that Hailu works with. These boys used to live on the street, but have been sponsored by a German organization which offers them a place to live and schooling. Hailu works with them to offer social support and counselling in varying degrees. They prepared a lovely meal that we shared with them and then played some ping pong and foosball. By the end of the day, it was very reminiscent of Canadian Christmas as we were so full of food; we fell into our beds with hardly a word.
The next day, we set out on some travel. We decided to head south this time as I had never been. I was excited to show the girls some more of Ethiopia and have them experience some of the pleasures of 3rd world travel for themselves! As usual, getting there was half the fun, and I will be forever grateful for the effectiveness of the Canadian transport system! We were disappointed to encounter that our guide book was quite out of date. It led us astray many times. One day we got off the bus, and following the advice of aforementioned guide book, walked 3km to the nearest resort along ‘beautiful Lake Langano’. At the end of the road, we discovered an abandoned former hotel. It reminded me of a bad horror film, and I was grateful that we had set out early on this venture and it was the middle of the day. So, we walked the 3km back to the main road to seek out some transportation. While I have never hitch hiked in Canada, this was my second experience in Africa. Really, we were left with no other option. Thankfully, we were welcomed into the back of the truck of a very friendly coffee salesman. He brought us safely to the next town and gifted us with 1kg of coffee. Needless to say, we never did see ‘beautiful Lake Langano’. Maybe I’ll try again another time!
It’s good to be back in Addis again though. Things here are very familiar to me now, and I miss the work and the patients I have grown to love when I am away. This week everyone is busy preparing for Epiphany. It is a big feast here, and I am excited to see all the festivities. Since the majority of people here are Orthodox Christians, most public celebrations centre around faith. For this feast, the priests from each church bring the tablets (that are usually kept in the holy of holies in the church) with the 10 commandments written on them, in procession down the streets. They are all gathered at a special place prepared in a large park where everyone congregates and there is a vigil filled with singing and dancing for a whole day. The following day, the tablets are processed (again with singing and dancing) back to their sacred places within the churches. I am anxious to see all of this, and hope to give you a more complete report following the festivities.
The longer I am here, the more the everyday things become routine, and I am able to process a little bit more of some of the political and social things that occur. I’ve started to try to pay more attention to the news and read a newspaper now and again (when I can get a good one in English). A few months ago, a project sponsored by some of the Christian aid organizations as well as UNICEF, embarked on a mission to count the street children in the central part of the city. They did an extensive canvas of central Addis, and contrary to the government claims of 4000 street children, they counted well over 11 000. Following the publication of this report, the government was obviously very embarrassed. To rectify the situation, they hired busses and trucks, and over the past few weeks have been loading up the street children and taking them to ‘rehabilitation camps’ outside of the city. Since there are several agencies here in Addis that have been working FOR YEARS to improve the conditions for children living on the streets, I can’t imagine that this is an effective solution to the problem of childhood poverty and homelessness!!!
Please continue to keep the poor in your prayers!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year to the rest of the world! We celebrated the new year here in September, and it was 2003. So, no grand celebrations will occur here Jan.1. But, I will be thinking of all the craziness that is occurring throughout the rest of the world during this time.
Things here in Addis remain interesting. Just when I think that I've grown accustomed to life here, something strange happens and I'm reminded that I will always be a foreigner. The weather has changed dramatically in the past week. It's been quite cool, and today it rained all day. Last night there was a HUGE rain storm. It was difficult to sleep as the rain was hitting the metal roof of my building, it was so loud!
My clinical skills continue to be challenged at work. The doctor has stopped coming regularly, and when he does come, it's for a very short amount of time. It's very challenging to work without the support of a doctor. He is demanding more money from the sisters, and it's a problem. Personally, I wasn't a big fan of his work anyway, but not having ANY physician is very difficult. The sisters are in a difficult position. It's hard to recruit doctors to a poorly paid, part time position. They are reluctant to give the current doctor more money because of his performance, but at the same time, know that it will be difficult to replace him. We'll see what happens. In the meantime, I've been spending more time on the internet researching diseases and looking up things in this old formulary that was donated to the sisters, so that I know the dosages and appropriate medications for diseases I've only read about in textbooks. Who would have thought there could be so many parasites?!
I've grown attached to several of my patients, but two in particular that I make sure to visit every day. Aragow, who I spoke of in a previous post (he has cancer) is still with us. He continues to struggle with pain control, and we are doing the best we can. Management of his pain has improved, and along with prayer, he has become more peaceful. Every morning I go to the kitchen and try to snag some of his favorite food. Today, he even gave me a thumbs up sign. I wonder how long he will be with us, suffering as he is. It's difficult to watch, but I have to believe there is a greater purpose beyond my comprehension. My other very special patient is in the same room as Aragow. He is a little old man who greets me with a smile every morning and kisses my hand. He calls out 'my daughter' (in Amharic) when he sees me, and it's very cute. He has the most high pitched voice ever, and he is always asking for bread. It's the only thing he eats. Bread and tea. I don't know how long one can live on bread and tea, but he is happy and it's a joy to love and serve him every day.
What will 2011 bring?! I can only imagine. I have been thinking about how much my life has changed in the past year, and I feel so blessed! So much of what has happened has been unplanned, but has brought me to a place of joy and peace. I can't help but thank God for His wisdom and guidance. Last year at this time, I was planning my second visit to Kolkata, India. It was during my time there that I decided to pursue full time mission work. I felt like my life in Saskatoon was very empty and directionless. I had everything that I needed, and WAY more, but I was still restless. I was always searching for something more. Thinking that there had to be more to life.
This year, as I sit in an internet cafe in the middle of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, I couldn't feel more fulfilled. I am working with the poor, doing some really cool nursing things. Mostly though, I am getting the opportunity to touch lives and serve in a very special way. I don't own many things, but I definitely have everything that I need, and much more than most. God has blessed me with so much. I feel like things in my life are finally coming together. I felt for so long that my life was on hold. Maybe God was waiting for me to finally give up control and let Him guide me. Looking back now, I know that during that time, He was preparing me for the work I am now able to do, and preparing my heart to receive all that He has planned for me.
So what is my plan for 2011? On a professional note, I plan to stay here. I have been offered a position working with a small NGO here. They work with unwed mothers. They offer shelter, skill training, education and child care for women who are pregnant. It is very shameful for women who are not married to become pregnant here. There are no day cares, and often family support is lacking due to social stigmas. Unfortunately these young women are left to believe that abortion or adoption are their only options. So many of them want to keep their babies, but they don't have the resources to do so. By offering them a way to support their families and live independently, this organization helps them to become self-sufficient. I'm really excited about the work that they do. Currently, they don't have a nurse on staff, which means I get to design my own program. It's a big job, but the potential to do great things is there, and that's what is exciting to me. I'm working on changing my visa right now. If all goes well, that would allow me to stay in the country for 2 years which would be nice.
On a personal note, I'm excited to share that I have met someone very special. His name is Hailu (pronounced Hi Loo), and he works with the Missionaries of Charity as a social worker. We've been getting to know each other for a little while now, and I'm excited to see what the new year brings for us. It wasn't exactly in my plan to meet someone so quickly on my journey, but as I'm learning, some of the best things in life happen when you don't plan.
That's all for now. My last post of 2010 is sent with WARM ('cause I know that even if it's cool here, it's COLD back home!!) wishes for a very Happy New Year and MANY blessings in 2011!
Things here in Addis remain interesting. Just when I think that I've grown accustomed to life here, something strange happens and I'm reminded that I will always be a foreigner. The weather has changed dramatically in the past week. It's been quite cool, and today it rained all day. Last night there was a HUGE rain storm. It was difficult to sleep as the rain was hitting the metal roof of my building, it was so loud!
My clinical skills continue to be challenged at work. The doctor has stopped coming regularly, and when he does come, it's for a very short amount of time. It's very challenging to work without the support of a doctor. He is demanding more money from the sisters, and it's a problem. Personally, I wasn't a big fan of his work anyway, but not having ANY physician is very difficult. The sisters are in a difficult position. It's hard to recruit doctors to a poorly paid, part time position. They are reluctant to give the current doctor more money because of his performance, but at the same time, know that it will be difficult to replace him. We'll see what happens. In the meantime, I've been spending more time on the internet researching diseases and looking up things in this old formulary that was donated to the sisters, so that I know the dosages and appropriate medications for diseases I've only read about in textbooks. Who would have thought there could be so many parasites?!
I've grown attached to several of my patients, but two in particular that I make sure to visit every day. Aragow, who I spoke of in a previous post (he has cancer) is still with us. He continues to struggle with pain control, and we are doing the best we can. Management of his pain has improved, and along with prayer, he has become more peaceful. Every morning I go to the kitchen and try to snag some of his favorite food. Today, he even gave me a thumbs up sign. I wonder how long he will be with us, suffering as he is. It's difficult to watch, but I have to believe there is a greater purpose beyond my comprehension. My other very special patient is in the same room as Aragow. He is a little old man who greets me with a smile every morning and kisses my hand. He calls out 'my daughter' (in Amharic) when he sees me, and it's very cute. He has the most high pitched voice ever, and he is always asking for bread. It's the only thing he eats. Bread and tea. I don't know how long one can live on bread and tea, but he is happy and it's a joy to love and serve him every day.
What will 2011 bring?! I can only imagine. I have been thinking about how much my life has changed in the past year, and I feel so blessed! So much of what has happened has been unplanned, but has brought me to a place of joy and peace. I can't help but thank God for His wisdom and guidance. Last year at this time, I was planning my second visit to Kolkata, India. It was during my time there that I decided to pursue full time mission work. I felt like my life in Saskatoon was very empty and directionless. I had everything that I needed, and WAY more, but I was still restless. I was always searching for something more. Thinking that there had to be more to life.
This year, as I sit in an internet cafe in the middle of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, I couldn't feel more fulfilled. I am working with the poor, doing some really cool nursing things. Mostly though, I am getting the opportunity to touch lives and serve in a very special way. I don't own many things, but I definitely have everything that I need, and much more than most. God has blessed me with so much. I feel like things in my life are finally coming together. I felt for so long that my life was on hold. Maybe God was waiting for me to finally give up control and let Him guide me. Looking back now, I know that during that time, He was preparing me for the work I am now able to do, and preparing my heart to receive all that He has planned for me.
So what is my plan for 2011? On a professional note, I plan to stay here. I have been offered a position working with a small NGO here. They work with unwed mothers. They offer shelter, skill training, education and child care for women who are pregnant. It is very shameful for women who are not married to become pregnant here. There are no day cares, and often family support is lacking due to social stigmas. Unfortunately these young women are left to believe that abortion or adoption are their only options. So many of them want to keep their babies, but they don't have the resources to do so. By offering them a way to support their families and live independently, this organization helps them to become self-sufficient. I'm really excited about the work that they do. Currently, they don't have a nurse on staff, which means I get to design my own program. It's a big job, but the potential to do great things is there, and that's what is exciting to me. I'm working on changing my visa right now. If all goes well, that would allow me to stay in the country for 2 years which would be nice.
On a personal note, I'm excited to share that I have met someone very special. His name is Hailu (pronounced Hi Loo), and he works with the Missionaries of Charity as a social worker. We've been getting to know each other for a little while now, and I'm excited to see what the new year brings for us. It wasn't exactly in my plan to meet someone so quickly on my journey, but as I'm learning, some of the best things in life happen when you don't plan.
That's all for now. My last post of 2010 is sent with WARM ('cause I know that even if it's cool here, it's COLD back home!!) wishes for a very Happy New Year and MANY blessings in 2011!
Monday, December 27, 2010
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
{I wrote this post a couple of days ago thinking that I would have my computer working and internet access in time to post it on the day, but of course I didn't. I should be used to the speed of things here in Africa, but still my expectations are too great. Enjoy anyways, even if it is a few days late}
Well, it’s Christmas for you. I still have to wait a few more weeks to celebrate in Ethiopia, but in my heart Christmas will always be Dec. 25th, no matter where I’m living.
I was reflecting on the nativity the other day. I feel like I have a whole new appreciation for the poverty that Jesus was born into. Stables and mangers and shepherds are common place here. It gives me a better picture of the place they must have stayed in. It seems so much more real to me this year. Walking down the street, I often pass donkeys carrying wood or other heavy loads. This time of year, I can’t help but picture Mary on their backs and wonder what that must have been like for her. It’s really neat to be amid all of this. I mentioned in my last post that there weren’t any Christmas decorations around. To get myself in the Christmas spirit, I started walking to and from work with my ipod on Christmas music. With the donkeys, sheep and other things in the street as I walk, it’s easy enough to imagine my own Christmas decorations!
My friend Sarah was here for a short visit on her way to south Africa. She will come through again in a few weeks and stay longer. It was nice to have her here, even for such a short time. It was my first taste of my worlds colliding. I feel like so much in my life has changed over the past 4 months. Having someone here who knows me well and introducing her a little bit to my new life, was fun. She was a good sport about my modest accommodations, hot plate meals and the quirkiness of electricity and water supply.
Work has been busy as usual. I met a young girl the other day with an outrageous tumour. I have never seen anything like it. This tumour was growing out of her forehead and was the size of a cantaloupe. One of the American doctors here, did some tests and they found that even if they removed the tumour, it would grow back in a very short amount of time as the cancer has spread extensively through her whole body. So, the decision was made to leave it. The problem is that the skin around the tumour is so stretched, it often cracks and bleeds. So, we have been keeping a bandage on it. The other day, when they were changing the bandage, it started to bleed uncontrollably and we couldn’t get it to stop. It was very scary. Blood transfusions are very expensive here, and blood is very hard to get. Transferring her to hospital is a complicated process, but we did our best to make the arrangements. Just as we were about to transfer her, her father decided that he didn’t want her to go. He wanted to take her home. I couldn’t blame him, as I’m sure that she would have sat in Emergency for a long time, if she ever got to see a doctor at all. The complication of THAT scenario is that her home is a 11 hour car ride away. So, we were left to try to stabilize her and keep her comfortable. Its challenging when your resources are limited, and you feel like you could have done so much more. The power was out, so we couldn’t give her any oxygen even though she was struggling to breathe. The sisters don’t keep narcotics, so our pain management choices are very small. Sometimes all you can do is use what you have, and pray. Trusting that God’s ways are much different than our own.
On a much happier note, one of my favourite little people was discharged the other day. Her name was Lemlem and she is 5 years old. She and her dad were here when I got here. She was very small and frail and had a big belly, almost looked like she was pregnant. She was under the care of an American doctor here that works with an organization to fund various operations for patients. It turns out that she had a huge tumour on her kidney and that was why her abdomen was so big. She was receiving chemotherapy. I was always amazed with how good she was when she received her treatment. She sat so patiently and so lady like holding her hand for the nurse to start her IV. She and I became friends as I would take time to acknowledge her every day. Even with her big belly and her hair missing from the chemo, I thought she was such a pretty little girl. She has amazing eyes. After a while, she started to seek me out to greet me. I think part of it had to do with the candies and stickers I always carry for the kids, but that’s besides the point! Ha ha She would often follow me around and see patients with me. I liked having my little shadow. She had surgery to remove the tumour a little while ago. Turns out, it wasn’t cancerous at all, and so her chemo treatments stopped. Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen her get strong and gain weight and even her hair has started to grow back. She looks even more beautiful. It’s so nice to see her regain her strength and be able to go back to her family! She’s a very special little girl, and I hope that one day I get to see her again.
I feel like I’ve had the privilege of getting to know MANY special people here. I love that I’ve been here long enough now to build relationships with people and with the patients. I know that I will remember certain moments forever, some good and some not so good. I’m so blessed to have these opportunities to be changed and formed into a better, more loving person. I couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present than that!
Merry Christmas everyone! May your eyes be opened in a new way to all the beautiful gifts that God has put into your lives!
Well, it’s Christmas for you. I still have to wait a few more weeks to celebrate in Ethiopia, but in my heart Christmas will always be Dec. 25th, no matter where I’m living.
I was reflecting on the nativity the other day. I feel like I have a whole new appreciation for the poverty that Jesus was born into. Stables and mangers and shepherds are common place here. It gives me a better picture of the place they must have stayed in. It seems so much more real to me this year. Walking down the street, I often pass donkeys carrying wood or other heavy loads. This time of year, I can’t help but picture Mary on their backs and wonder what that must have been like for her. It’s really neat to be amid all of this. I mentioned in my last post that there weren’t any Christmas decorations around. To get myself in the Christmas spirit, I started walking to and from work with my ipod on Christmas music. With the donkeys, sheep and other things in the street as I walk, it’s easy enough to imagine my own Christmas decorations!
My friend Sarah was here for a short visit on her way to south Africa. She will come through again in a few weeks and stay longer. It was nice to have her here, even for such a short time. It was my first taste of my worlds colliding. I feel like so much in my life has changed over the past 4 months. Having someone here who knows me well and introducing her a little bit to my new life, was fun. She was a good sport about my modest accommodations, hot plate meals and the quirkiness of electricity and water supply.
Work has been busy as usual. I met a young girl the other day with an outrageous tumour. I have never seen anything like it. This tumour was growing out of her forehead and was the size of a cantaloupe. One of the American doctors here, did some tests and they found that even if they removed the tumour, it would grow back in a very short amount of time as the cancer has spread extensively through her whole body. So, the decision was made to leave it. The problem is that the skin around the tumour is so stretched, it often cracks and bleeds. So, we have been keeping a bandage on it. The other day, when they were changing the bandage, it started to bleed uncontrollably and we couldn’t get it to stop. It was very scary. Blood transfusions are very expensive here, and blood is very hard to get. Transferring her to hospital is a complicated process, but we did our best to make the arrangements. Just as we were about to transfer her, her father decided that he didn’t want her to go. He wanted to take her home. I couldn’t blame him, as I’m sure that she would have sat in Emergency for a long time, if she ever got to see a doctor at all. The complication of THAT scenario is that her home is a 11 hour car ride away. So, we were left to try to stabilize her and keep her comfortable. Its challenging when your resources are limited, and you feel like you could have done so much more. The power was out, so we couldn’t give her any oxygen even though she was struggling to breathe. The sisters don’t keep narcotics, so our pain management choices are very small. Sometimes all you can do is use what you have, and pray. Trusting that God’s ways are much different than our own.
On a much happier note, one of my favourite little people was discharged the other day. Her name was Lemlem and she is 5 years old. She and her dad were here when I got here. She was very small and frail and had a big belly, almost looked like she was pregnant. She was under the care of an American doctor here that works with an organization to fund various operations for patients. It turns out that she had a huge tumour on her kidney and that was why her abdomen was so big. She was receiving chemotherapy. I was always amazed with how good she was when she received her treatment. She sat so patiently and so lady like holding her hand for the nurse to start her IV. She and I became friends as I would take time to acknowledge her every day. Even with her big belly and her hair missing from the chemo, I thought she was such a pretty little girl. She has amazing eyes. After a while, she started to seek me out to greet me. I think part of it had to do with the candies and stickers I always carry for the kids, but that’s besides the point! Ha ha She would often follow me around and see patients with me. I liked having my little shadow. She had surgery to remove the tumour a little while ago. Turns out, it wasn’t cancerous at all, and so her chemo treatments stopped. Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen her get strong and gain weight and even her hair has started to grow back. She looks even more beautiful. It’s so nice to see her regain her strength and be able to go back to her family! She’s a very special little girl, and I hope that one day I get to see her again.
I feel like I’ve had the privilege of getting to know MANY special people here. I love that I’ve been here long enough now to build relationships with people and with the patients. I know that I will remember certain moments forever, some good and some not so good. I’m so blessed to have these opportunities to be changed and formed into a better, more loving person. I couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present than that!
Merry Christmas everyone! May your eyes be opened in a new way to all the beautiful gifts that God has put into your lives!
Friday, December 17, 2010
I'm flattered!
I've been neglectful of my blog! It's nice to know that people actually read it, as I've gotten a few emails saying that people missed my blog. I'm happy that others are enjoying my ramblings.
The last little while has been SO busy! When I have come to the internet cafe, either the power has been out, or the connection too slow to make anything productive. Add to that a typhus outbreak amongst the sisters, and it's a bit of a challenging week!
A HUGE blessing for me is that I found a place to live. It's in a condominium building, and it's quiet, private and generally really great! Its about a 15 minute walk to the sisters, so it's nice. It took me nearly 3 hours to clean the bathroom, but I"m grateful for the western toilet and hot water. I feel very spoiled to have so much space to myself. By N.American standards, it's a very small studio apartment. But, I found out the other day that the previous tenant was a family of 4. I've slept there two nights now, and it's an adjustment to sleep without the noise that I've grown accustomed to. It's nice to have a place to go to after work. Its very emotionally draining sometimes to work with some of the situations that I encounter, and it's a relief to get away a bit and allow my brain to process some of what I'm experiencing. I feel like for the past 3 months, so much has been new and although I've been journalling and reflecting a bit, I haven't really been able to enter into the emotional aspect of things. It's becoming more and more real every day.
I was hopeful that things would begin to get more Christmassy once advent started. But, then I realized that poor people don't decorate! ha ha!! I HAVE seen a few Christmas trees in shops and when we passed the Sheraton (the ritzy hotel here), they had garland and bows and stuff. But, at the compound, outside of an advent wreath in the chapel, there are no signs of Christmas. In some ways, I'm kind of grateful. I think Christmas gets TOO crazy at home. It's a relief to me not to have to go do all that shopping and get all stressed out about gifts and such. I've been listening to Christmas music on my ipod and I have a nice manger picture in my new place, and that's enough. It helps me to focus more on the real meaning of Christmas and to work on preparing my heart instead of gifts.
The longer I'm here, the more I get involved in things. It's kind of fun to be given more responsibility, but at the same time, its sometimes challenging. I had the opportunity to take a patient to a hospital here. The patient's condition worsened significantly despite any treatment we offered, so we decided to transfer him to hospital. I was kind of dreading the experience as I have had terrible experiences with hospitals in Gambia and India. Thankfully though, it was a private hospital and I was pleased to see the high quality of care that is available here in Ethiopia. Unfortunately, they were not able to give any clarity as to why our patient is not improving. They refused to keep him after his tests were completed, so we took him back and we will continue to pray. I find it interesting to see how hospitals can refuse to admit or keep patients. This seems unethical to me. So often we admit patients who have gone to 2 or 3 hospitals and been refused care. It blows my mind. We are NOT a hospital and the services we can provide are very basic. Its frustrating to see these patients suffer for no reason. I honestly don't know how they can turn them away and still sleep at night. It makes me angry to see people treated so poorly. Some of the patients we get from hospital barely survive long enough for us to give them a bath. It's inhumane!
Every patient has a green admission card. On the card is written their name, their age, where they are from and what they are admitted with. We write any tests that have been done, and any medications that are ordered. Twice a day the cards are passed out, and all the patients line up to receive their medications. Somehow, on Sunday afternoon, the cards for room 2 went missing. All day Monday, they were missing, so no one in that room received any medication. We thought that one of the workers who was absent on Monday might have put them somewhere. But, on Tuesday when that worker returned and we still couldn't find the cards, it was beginning to be a bit of a problem. Wednesday we had the task of trying to fix this problem. Remember that I said that there was a typhus outbreak amongst the sisters? Yeah, well that means that the men's ward is up to me and my 4 nurses. So, all we had to go on was a list of men who gave their names saying that they didn't have their cards. We went through the register, found their date of admission and the diagnosis they came in with. After that, we had to meet and assess each patient and prescribe medications all over again. There were about 50 patients. It was okay with the malaria and typhus patients as we could generally figure out how many days of treatment they should have left. But, when it got to the hypertensives, strokes and ascites patients, it got more challenging. The whole time, I was praying that I wouldn't kill anyone! I only prescribed for 5 days of medications, so after Sunday, I'm not responsible for any of the deaths in room 2! I'm hopeful that he doctor comes in the next day or two and he can alter what needs to be altered.
I have to be going. Thank you for all your encouraging comments. I hope you are all enjoying the cool weather and snow! The weather here is warm and sunny. It gets cool at night, but you never need more than a sweatshirt to keep you warm. Not missing the cold at all!
Happy Advent!
The last little while has been SO busy! When I have come to the internet cafe, either the power has been out, or the connection too slow to make anything productive. Add to that a typhus outbreak amongst the sisters, and it's a bit of a challenging week!
A HUGE blessing for me is that I found a place to live. It's in a condominium building, and it's quiet, private and generally really great! Its about a 15 minute walk to the sisters, so it's nice. It took me nearly 3 hours to clean the bathroom, but I"m grateful for the western toilet and hot water. I feel very spoiled to have so much space to myself. By N.American standards, it's a very small studio apartment. But, I found out the other day that the previous tenant was a family of 4. I've slept there two nights now, and it's an adjustment to sleep without the noise that I've grown accustomed to. It's nice to have a place to go to after work. Its very emotionally draining sometimes to work with some of the situations that I encounter, and it's a relief to get away a bit and allow my brain to process some of what I'm experiencing. I feel like for the past 3 months, so much has been new and although I've been journalling and reflecting a bit, I haven't really been able to enter into the emotional aspect of things. It's becoming more and more real every day.
I was hopeful that things would begin to get more Christmassy once advent started. But, then I realized that poor people don't decorate! ha ha!! I HAVE seen a few Christmas trees in shops and when we passed the Sheraton (the ritzy hotel here), they had garland and bows and stuff. But, at the compound, outside of an advent wreath in the chapel, there are no signs of Christmas. In some ways, I'm kind of grateful. I think Christmas gets TOO crazy at home. It's a relief to me not to have to go do all that shopping and get all stressed out about gifts and such. I've been listening to Christmas music on my ipod and I have a nice manger picture in my new place, and that's enough. It helps me to focus more on the real meaning of Christmas and to work on preparing my heart instead of gifts.
The longer I'm here, the more I get involved in things. It's kind of fun to be given more responsibility, but at the same time, its sometimes challenging. I had the opportunity to take a patient to a hospital here. The patient's condition worsened significantly despite any treatment we offered, so we decided to transfer him to hospital. I was kind of dreading the experience as I have had terrible experiences with hospitals in Gambia and India. Thankfully though, it was a private hospital and I was pleased to see the high quality of care that is available here in Ethiopia. Unfortunately, they were not able to give any clarity as to why our patient is not improving. They refused to keep him after his tests were completed, so we took him back and we will continue to pray. I find it interesting to see how hospitals can refuse to admit or keep patients. This seems unethical to me. So often we admit patients who have gone to 2 or 3 hospitals and been refused care. It blows my mind. We are NOT a hospital and the services we can provide are very basic. Its frustrating to see these patients suffer for no reason. I honestly don't know how they can turn them away and still sleep at night. It makes me angry to see people treated so poorly. Some of the patients we get from hospital barely survive long enough for us to give them a bath. It's inhumane!
Every patient has a green admission card. On the card is written their name, their age, where they are from and what they are admitted with. We write any tests that have been done, and any medications that are ordered. Twice a day the cards are passed out, and all the patients line up to receive their medications. Somehow, on Sunday afternoon, the cards for room 2 went missing. All day Monday, they were missing, so no one in that room received any medication. We thought that one of the workers who was absent on Monday might have put them somewhere. But, on Tuesday when that worker returned and we still couldn't find the cards, it was beginning to be a bit of a problem. Wednesday we had the task of trying to fix this problem. Remember that I said that there was a typhus outbreak amongst the sisters? Yeah, well that means that the men's ward is up to me and my 4 nurses. So, all we had to go on was a list of men who gave their names saying that they didn't have their cards. We went through the register, found their date of admission and the diagnosis they came in with. After that, we had to meet and assess each patient and prescribe medications all over again. There were about 50 patients. It was okay with the malaria and typhus patients as we could generally figure out how many days of treatment they should have left. But, when it got to the hypertensives, strokes and ascites patients, it got more challenging. The whole time, I was praying that I wouldn't kill anyone! I only prescribed for 5 days of medications, so after Sunday, I'm not responsible for any of the deaths in room 2! I'm hopeful that he doctor comes in the next day or two and he can alter what needs to be altered.
I have to be going. Thank you for all your encouraging comments. I hope you are all enjoying the cool weather and snow! The weather here is warm and sunny. It gets cool at night, but you never need more than a sweatshirt to keep you warm. Not missing the cold at all!
Happy Advent!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Very special
I got to be a part of a really special moment this week. One of our patients has cancer in his hip. His name is Aragow. Unfortunately, it's inoperable, and there is nothing we can do. We work very hard to manage his pain, but its very difficult with the medication we have available. The sisters are not licensed to carry many narcotics. This man cries out often. Especially when the sisters or I are in the room because he knows that we are the only one who give him pain medicine. I know that some of it IS real pain, but some of it is attention seeking as well. It's really challenging to be charitable to him sometimes. I can only imagine that the other men in the room grow very tired of his noises and carrying on. The other day, I went into the room, and it was eerily quiet. It's never quiet in that room. When I went to his bed, he didn't look good. His face was swollen, and his voice was very weak. Even though he often drives me crazy, my heart went out to him. I sat with him a while, and one of the sisters came in. She noticed that he wasn't doing well either. She called one of the workers, and we decided that we were going to pray for him. The worker clapped his hands, and immediately the room went silent, and everyone joined in praying for Aragow. It was so beautiful to see all the men praying for this man. Even though he is often the cause of huge disruption in the room, and is a very difficult person, they all cared enough to pray for him. It was so special to be a part of it. If nothing else, we were able to show Aragow that he is loved and that he is worthy of our time and care. I was concerned that he would pass away quickly, so I watched him very closely over the next few days. He has been quieter and a lot more patient with us and the workers. He seeks our attention less, and I'm more willing to spend extra time and care with him when he doesn't demand it all the time. It's amazing how much more peaceful that room has been since our special prayer time!
I would like to say that I'm getting excited for Christmas, but I"m not. It's hard to get excited about Christmas, when there are NO signs of it around. It's really weird because it IS a mostly Christian country. I don't think the weather helps, but I've been kind of confused by all of this. I went to mass on Sunday, thinking we would celebrate the first week of advent, but we didn't. THAT really confused me. THEN, I realized that we have been 2 weeks behind in the liturgy since I got here. Not only in Ethiopia, do they have their own calendar, their own time, but they ALSO have their own Christmas. They celebrate Christmas on January 7th (in our calendar). By this point, I shouldn't be surprised! ha ha So, as a result, I have to wait 2 more weeks for Advent to start, and then maybe things will get a bit more festive around here. I'm thankful that I didn't start seeing Christmas things in Oct, like we do back home, but I'm hopeful that there will be SOME decorations or sign of Christmas soon.
I tried again to post photos, but the internet connection is so choppy, they can't download. I"m getting my computer at the end of Dec, so I"m hopeful to share some pics with you then.
This post is short, I know. Its been a very full week, and I have a TON of stuff to do. Please continue to pray for me. I"m exploring the possibility of working with a small NGO here after my volunteer time with the sisters is over. Still trying to work out the details. Please pray that God would open or close doors as He sees fit.
Have a blessed Advent season!
I would like to say that I'm getting excited for Christmas, but I"m not. It's hard to get excited about Christmas, when there are NO signs of it around. It's really weird because it IS a mostly Christian country. I don't think the weather helps, but I've been kind of confused by all of this. I went to mass on Sunday, thinking we would celebrate the first week of advent, but we didn't. THAT really confused me. THEN, I realized that we have been 2 weeks behind in the liturgy since I got here. Not only in Ethiopia, do they have their own calendar, their own time, but they ALSO have their own Christmas. They celebrate Christmas on January 7th (in our calendar). By this point, I shouldn't be surprised! ha ha So, as a result, I have to wait 2 more weeks for Advent to start, and then maybe things will get a bit more festive around here. I'm thankful that I didn't start seeing Christmas things in Oct, like we do back home, but I'm hopeful that there will be SOME decorations or sign of Christmas soon.
I tried again to post photos, but the internet connection is so choppy, they can't download. I"m getting my computer at the end of Dec, so I"m hopeful to share some pics with you then.
This post is short, I know. Its been a very full week, and I have a TON of stuff to do. Please continue to pray for me. I"m exploring the possibility of working with a small NGO here after my volunteer time with the sisters is over. Still trying to work out the details. Please pray that God would open or close doors as He sees fit.
Have a blessed Advent season!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Its good to be here
I went to a movie last weekend. It was a nice treat. -yes, it was in English! I enjoyed it a lot, but it was disturbing at the same time. Being SO immersed in this culture that is SO different from N. America, I didn't realize how my perception of 'normal' had changed. For 2 hours, I entered a world that I had lived in for 30 years - but it was as though I was seeing it with new eyes. It was a small taste of what it would be like to go home. When the lights turned on and I found myself still in Africa, I was relieved. It was a good feeling. Another reminder that I am where I need to be.
Things have been busy around the compound. We've had quite a few very sick patients that have been challenging to care for. One of my very special patients died this week as well. He was a simple man, but so kind. Every morning he would call out to me 'farenji' (white person) as I passed and laugh and blow me kisses. He had a great laugh! What a great way to start the day. Tuesday, however, I didn't see him in the courtyard when I went for mass. When I was walking out of mass, Sr. told me he had died that morning. Thankfully, we were able to spend some time praying for him before they removed his body. It's hard to see my special patients go. Sometimes it makes me wonder who is making more of an impact; them on me or me on them. I'm almost positive its the 1st.
Community life at the compound with the other volunteers has grown more challenging. I'm looking to get my own place and am hopeful to move this weekend. Last week one of the patients got into the room where we hang our laundry. She tore 2 of my shirts and one skirt. In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. BUT, when you only have 6 shirts, and you have to wash them by hand, loosing 2 is a big deal! Couple that with the fact that shopping here presents a whole new set of challenges. Finding something that you like, that fits adn that you can barter down to a reasonable price takes WAY more effort than running to the mall and picking a shirt off the shelf.
Many of you who know me, can appreciate how I value sleep. After 3 months of 5am wake ups by patients or loud music, repeated late night disturbances and as many as 7 other volunteers sleeping in the same room - I am anxious for some quality sleep. A REAL shower with hot water, a REAL toilet and some personal space are also plusses to having my own place.
The nurses that I've been teaching are now preparing for a big licensing exam. They are all very anxious. They write the theory portion in 2 weeks. If they pass, they have a practical portion later on. I"m confident that 2 of the boys will pass, but I'm not sure about the other 2. The sisters said that they can only hire those who pass. I was asking one of the nurses some questions about basic physiology. He's the weakest one, and he didn't know the answers. He knows he's struggling and he can see that the other boys are catching on faster adn that I give them more responsibility. He started to cry - it broke my heart. He frustrates me the most out of all of them, but I couldn't help but have compassion for him. He was telling me how much pressure he is under. He's the oldest of 10 children. His father works as a guard at one of the other MC houses. The sisters paid for his nursing school. Its his responsibility to get a job and to help his family financially adn younger siblings get an education. He told me that one of his brothers struggles with mental illness and lately has been out in public naked. It has brought a lot of shame to their family. The small business that his mother runs has lost most of its customers. He was pleading with me to petition his cause to the sisters to give him a job. It was heart wrenching! I already know that the sisters won't hire him. If he doesn't pass this exam, it will be very difficult to find a job. I can't imagine having that much responsibility placed upon me at 20 yrs old. Another very real reminder of how incredibly blessed my life has been!
There is so much need here. A day doesn't pass that I don't meet a child that should be in school, or a patient that needs treatment the either no one can afford or no one can perform. Hunger and malnutrition are everywhere. I feel like what I"m doing is such a small drop in such a huge bucket. I am grateful for the opportunity to experience all that I have. I know that my heart has changed in ways I can't even recognize. It brings me so much joy to serve the poor here. It reminds me every day to cherish each moment, accept everything as a gift and to choose to love in all circumstances. I still have so much to learn! Good thing I didn't buy a return ticket!!! :)
Things have been busy around the compound. We've had quite a few very sick patients that have been challenging to care for. One of my very special patients died this week as well. He was a simple man, but so kind. Every morning he would call out to me 'farenji' (white person) as I passed and laugh and blow me kisses. He had a great laugh! What a great way to start the day. Tuesday, however, I didn't see him in the courtyard when I went for mass. When I was walking out of mass, Sr. told me he had died that morning. Thankfully, we were able to spend some time praying for him before they removed his body. It's hard to see my special patients go. Sometimes it makes me wonder who is making more of an impact; them on me or me on them. I'm almost positive its the 1st.
Community life at the compound with the other volunteers has grown more challenging. I'm looking to get my own place and am hopeful to move this weekend. Last week one of the patients got into the room where we hang our laundry. She tore 2 of my shirts and one skirt. In the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. BUT, when you only have 6 shirts, and you have to wash them by hand, loosing 2 is a big deal! Couple that with the fact that shopping here presents a whole new set of challenges. Finding something that you like, that fits adn that you can barter down to a reasonable price takes WAY more effort than running to the mall and picking a shirt off the shelf.
Many of you who know me, can appreciate how I value sleep. After 3 months of 5am wake ups by patients or loud music, repeated late night disturbances and as many as 7 other volunteers sleeping in the same room - I am anxious for some quality sleep. A REAL shower with hot water, a REAL toilet and some personal space are also plusses to having my own place.
The nurses that I've been teaching are now preparing for a big licensing exam. They are all very anxious. They write the theory portion in 2 weeks. If they pass, they have a practical portion later on. I"m confident that 2 of the boys will pass, but I'm not sure about the other 2. The sisters said that they can only hire those who pass. I was asking one of the nurses some questions about basic physiology. He's the weakest one, and he didn't know the answers. He knows he's struggling and he can see that the other boys are catching on faster adn that I give them more responsibility. He started to cry - it broke my heart. He frustrates me the most out of all of them, but I couldn't help but have compassion for him. He was telling me how much pressure he is under. He's the oldest of 10 children. His father works as a guard at one of the other MC houses. The sisters paid for his nursing school. Its his responsibility to get a job and to help his family financially adn younger siblings get an education. He told me that one of his brothers struggles with mental illness and lately has been out in public naked. It has brought a lot of shame to their family. The small business that his mother runs has lost most of its customers. He was pleading with me to petition his cause to the sisters to give him a job. It was heart wrenching! I already know that the sisters won't hire him. If he doesn't pass this exam, it will be very difficult to find a job. I can't imagine having that much responsibility placed upon me at 20 yrs old. Another very real reminder of how incredibly blessed my life has been!
There is so much need here. A day doesn't pass that I don't meet a child that should be in school, or a patient that needs treatment the either no one can afford or no one can perform. Hunger and malnutrition are everywhere. I feel like what I"m doing is such a small drop in such a huge bucket. I am grateful for the opportunity to experience all that I have. I know that my heart has changed in ways I can't even recognize. It brings me so much joy to serve the poor here. It reminds me every day to cherish each moment, accept everything as a gift and to choose to love in all circumstances. I still have so much to learn! Good thing I didn't buy a return ticket!!! :)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Back in Addis
My friend Leah (from California) and I jsut got back from a 2 week trip through part of northern Ethiopia. It was incredible! The sights were amazing and the natural beauty defies explanation. I couldn't help but wonder, on several occasions, why I am so priviledged to see these sights. I am truly blessed!
As with travel in any developing country - part of the fun is getting there! We travelled by public bus mostly. We were fortunate to be pretty lucky as far as achieving our destinations.... eventually. The public busses are big busses that carry 50-65 people, they are a real cultural experience! You can't buy tickets in advance, so you have to get there when the bus depot opens at 5am, find the bus that is going the way you want (don't even think they're labelled), run to get a seat and then wait for the locals to negotiate a price with the driver. If the driver charges too much, everyone gets off the bus in protest. You have to make sure that there isn't another bus going in your direction that the others can get on in the meantime, because your bus won't leave the station until its full. So, after all of that, you wait for them to totally overfill the bus with people and then you actually leave the station around 8am.
Ethiopia is an extremely hilly an mountain filled country, the roads are not in the best condition, the vehicles are old, and around every turn you find a herd of oxen, sheep, goats or monkeys. As a result travel is SLOW!!! The funny part is that if a vehicle hits an animal on the road, the driver has to pay the farmer for the cost of the animal. Needless to say, if you achieve a speed over 60km/hr, you're really cruising.
Our first stop was a city called Bahir Dar. One day we went out to a small village just outside the city to see the Blue Nile Falls. We were trying to be thrifty and hopped on a public bus. Who would have expected a 34km journey to take 2.5 hrs?! It was an experience to say the least! I was sitting between two shephards - hook and all! The smell of the goat/sheep didn't bother me as much as the hole in the bottom of the bus that I was sitting over. Gravel road + old rickety slow bus + 2 shephards = cost efficient travel. I was sneezing dust for 2 days. The sight of the falls was totally worth it though. I guess their size has been dramatically reduced as a result of a hydroelectric dam, but I was still impressed!
Also in Bahir Dar, we rented a boat and visited some orthodox monasteries. They are on little islands of Lake Tana (have you pulled out your atlas yet?). Some of them we weren't able to visit as they don't allow women, but the ones we got to see were really neat.I was thankful for being taught all my bible stories and saint history as all the artwork in the monasteries was religious. They depicted the lives of the saints, the life of Christ, or other biblical stories. It was a lot of fun to pick stuff out and many of the monks took extra time to show me stuff when they understood that I recognized some of the stories.
The history was phenominal. Stuff dating back to the 14th and 16th centuries. The Ethiopian Orthodox church has a lot of traditions and it was nice to learn about it and see a lot of history which has formed and continues to guide the culture here.
The next place we visited was Gonder. Its a smaller city built near the base of the Simean Mountains. At one point, it was the capital city. The emperors built castles there. Of course, each emperor had to have his own castle, so there are several. It was neat to see the different things they built including lion cages and turkish baths. There were hawks everywhere - which gave the city a very mideval feel. I can't say that the hawks didn't make me a bit nervous as they swooped down on people quite regularly.
Next was Lalibella. This is the part where transportation got a bit more interesting. We couldn't get a bus from Gonder to Lalibella. So, we got dropped off at a junction. The first bus that came by, tried to charge us 3 times the appropriate amount. Refusing to be swindled, we let that one go by. Sitting on the side of the road in the heat of the day in the middle of Africa for 2 + hrs is really quite the experience. I made friends with a few of the kids as I had some bananas and candy in my bag. They turned out to be good allies when the next bus cam by and they petitionned for our cause. I wish I could describe the scene of Leah pleading for a ride for a reasonable rate. Its one of those moments I won't soon forget.
Lalibella turned out to be my favorite. A smaller town with an incredible history tucked away from everything and thus maintaining a lot of innocence. King Lalibella comissionned the construction of 11 rock hewn churches. How these churches could have possibly been constructed with the technology that existed over 1000 yrs ago is mind blowing. The details of the architecture and intricasies of the connecting cames and caverns are really neat. We hired a really good guide adn spent 2 days exploring. Another day we hired mules and climbed to the top of a steep hill/mtn to another monastery that was carved into the rock. I'be been kind of fascinated by the donkeys since arriving in Africa. Getting to ride a donkey up the hill was pretty cool! In the end, the monastery wasn't as impressive as the view, but the whole experience was worth it.
After a very boring 15 hr drive (only 700 km), I made it back to Addis. It's good to be back. White people are a bit more plentiful here, so we're not as big of a spectacle when we go outside of the compound. I'm not anxious to get on another bus anytime soon, so I think I'll be staying put for a while. I also missed my patients. It's good to be back at work and in some sort of routine. The patients and the workers were very welcoming upon my return, and it was nice. It made me realize how much this has become my home.
As with anywhere, the longer you are there, the busier you seem to be. I've been back at work now for 3 days, and I'm already behind! It's great to be serving in this way though, and I am blessed that every day I get to touch Jesus in a very special way.
My internet time is running out. Thanks for all your emails, prayers and encouragements. I keep you all in my prayers, but please let me know of any special intentions you may have.
God bless!
As with travel in any developing country - part of the fun is getting there! We travelled by public bus mostly. We were fortunate to be pretty lucky as far as achieving our destinations.... eventually. The public busses are big busses that carry 50-65 people, they are a real cultural experience! You can't buy tickets in advance, so you have to get there when the bus depot opens at 5am, find the bus that is going the way you want (don't even think they're labelled), run to get a seat and then wait for the locals to negotiate a price with the driver. If the driver charges too much, everyone gets off the bus in protest. You have to make sure that there isn't another bus going in your direction that the others can get on in the meantime, because your bus won't leave the station until its full. So, after all of that, you wait for them to totally overfill the bus with people and then you actually leave the station around 8am.
Ethiopia is an extremely hilly an mountain filled country, the roads are not in the best condition, the vehicles are old, and around every turn you find a herd of oxen, sheep, goats or monkeys. As a result travel is SLOW!!! The funny part is that if a vehicle hits an animal on the road, the driver has to pay the farmer for the cost of the animal. Needless to say, if you achieve a speed over 60km/hr, you're really cruising.
Our first stop was a city called Bahir Dar. One day we went out to a small village just outside the city to see the Blue Nile Falls. We were trying to be thrifty and hopped on a public bus. Who would have expected a 34km journey to take 2.5 hrs?! It was an experience to say the least! I was sitting between two shephards - hook and all! The smell of the goat/sheep didn't bother me as much as the hole in the bottom of the bus that I was sitting over. Gravel road + old rickety slow bus + 2 shephards = cost efficient travel. I was sneezing dust for 2 days. The sight of the falls was totally worth it though. I guess their size has been dramatically reduced as a result of a hydroelectric dam, but I was still impressed!
Also in Bahir Dar, we rented a boat and visited some orthodox monasteries. They are on little islands of Lake Tana (have you pulled out your atlas yet?). Some of them we weren't able to visit as they don't allow women, but the ones we got to see were really neat.I was thankful for being taught all my bible stories and saint history as all the artwork in the monasteries was religious. They depicted the lives of the saints, the life of Christ, or other biblical stories. It was a lot of fun to pick stuff out and many of the monks took extra time to show me stuff when they understood that I recognized some of the stories.
The history was phenominal. Stuff dating back to the 14th and 16th centuries. The Ethiopian Orthodox church has a lot of traditions and it was nice to learn about it and see a lot of history which has formed and continues to guide the culture here.
The next place we visited was Gonder. Its a smaller city built near the base of the Simean Mountains. At one point, it was the capital city. The emperors built castles there. Of course, each emperor had to have his own castle, so there are several. It was neat to see the different things they built including lion cages and turkish baths. There were hawks everywhere - which gave the city a very mideval feel. I can't say that the hawks didn't make me a bit nervous as they swooped down on people quite regularly.
Next was Lalibella. This is the part where transportation got a bit more interesting. We couldn't get a bus from Gonder to Lalibella. So, we got dropped off at a junction. The first bus that came by, tried to charge us 3 times the appropriate amount. Refusing to be swindled, we let that one go by. Sitting on the side of the road in the heat of the day in the middle of Africa for 2 + hrs is really quite the experience. I made friends with a few of the kids as I had some bananas and candy in my bag. They turned out to be good allies when the next bus cam by and they petitionned for our cause. I wish I could describe the scene of Leah pleading for a ride for a reasonable rate. Its one of those moments I won't soon forget.
Lalibella turned out to be my favorite. A smaller town with an incredible history tucked away from everything and thus maintaining a lot of innocence. King Lalibella comissionned the construction of 11 rock hewn churches. How these churches could have possibly been constructed with the technology that existed over 1000 yrs ago is mind blowing. The details of the architecture and intricasies of the connecting cames and caverns are really neat. We hired a really good guide adn spent 2 days exploring. Another day we hired mules and climbed to the top of a steep hill/mtn to another monastery that was carved into the rock. I'be been kind of fascinated by the donkeys since arriving in Africa. Getting to ride a donkey up the hill was pretty cool! In the end, the monastery wasn't as impressive as the view, but the whole experience was worth it.
After a very boring 15 hr drive (only 700 km), I made it back to Addis. It's good to be back. White people are a bit more plentiful here, so we're not as big of a spectacle when we go outside of the compound. I'm not anxious to get on another bus anytime soon, so I think I'll be staying put for a while. I also missed my patients. It's good to be back at work and in some sort of routine. The patients and the workers were very welcoming upon my return, and it was nice. It made me realize how much this has become my home.
As with anywhere, the longer you are there, the busier you seem to be. I've been back at work now for 3 days, and I'm already behind! It's great to be serving in this way though, and I am blessed that every day I get to touch Jesus in a very special way.
My internet time is running out. Thanks for all your emails, prayers and encouragements. I keep you all in my prayers, but please let me know of any special intentions you may have.
God bless!
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